The reason that I spoke on this topic was because I have really struggled with it the last few months. Since Christmas break, things seem to be moving at warp speed. It's like I can't get my feet under me, and my heart and mind are behind too. With the busy schedule and the fatigue comes a weariness that we've probably all experienced. My problem was that I hadn't treasured solitary time with God. Time in the early morning hours each day, time in between classes when I find myself alone for just a few moments, time walking home from soccer; the scheduled time and the unscheduled times. So I ask you, O patient reader, when is the last time that you spent quiet and alone with God?
I feel that sometimes in Malawi, and had a battle with it yesterday. Frustrations with fuel, our car, Road Traffic office, District commissioners offices in Lilongwe and Kasungu, Malawi time... Will I grow more grateful or more bitter. Ask Becca, I spent a good hour stewing over what a victim I'd been of these great inustices! It's the worst part of my heart that wins out sometimes. God used Yami, Becca, Nell Spencer, and a short night's sleep to help provide some perspective, and turn my heart back to the narrow, difficult, and good path of gratitude.
I come back to prayer: "Oh God, deepen my faith." That's my breath prayer right now. Since we started the adoption process, there have been quite a few ups and downs. We got Yami November 30th, and we're supposed to leave Malawi on June 25th. That's a quick seven months to get through a process that usually requires more than seven months in a country with very negotiable ideas of time. I have found myself worrying quite often, and sometimes at a deep level. "Oh God, grow my faith." Translated: Oh, I'm desperate, God, you are my God, grow, you alone can do the growing, my faith, in your promises and faithfulness.
I'm not sure what the point of this blog is really: spend time with God, say your breath prayers, choose gratitude over bitterness. You choose, I just hope you're encouraged in your faith.